The month of January

January is all but over and I survived but not without a few bumps and bruises along the way.  There was the nasty cell phone bill and car problems. Stress that my paychecks are smaller partly due to increases in insurance premiums and that things are getting tight enough to really start being a problem and oh yeah - college coming up.

I got a head start on my taxes and for the first time in 8 (?) years I owe the feds - I don't know how, but apparently I do.  I don't know where I'm getting that money from, but they want it.  I figure I'll just wait to file that one. :-) I had hoped to use that money for our family vacation.  Guess not.  It may be time to figure out how I'm going to work in a second job and plan on never being able to see my kids.  I'm actually so upset about that right now that I haven't talked to anyone but the kids - to let them know what I'm going to have to do.  I feel like a failure.  No excuses.  No explanations.  It just is.

I don't like where I find myself but don't know how to fix it.  My life was never supposed to turn out this way.  I was supposed to have a doting husband taking care of me and my girls.  I'd have finished school and be doing something meaningful.  Instead I feel so incredibly lost and this would be part of the reason I haven't posted anything in a while. I know things are going to work out.  I know they will.  For now, however, I just need to get through and I'm not really sure how.