Damn Cell Phones

OK, so for Christmas me and my two girls got new cell phones.  I knew they'd be expensive but they had all kinds of deals and my brother was helping as a gift to his nieces.  That said, when the bill for $ 799.66 arrived, well it would be easy to say that the heart attack I had should have landed me in the hospital but clearly I cannot afford to miss work or pay a deductible right now.  Are they freaking kidding me?  I've sent 2 emails so far and have had responses but somehow, somewhere there's no "real" explanation.  I get the sales tax explanation (well, even if the 2nd phone is free you have to pay tax on it), but why is it still $ 100.00???  To me, that's not free.  Does that equal "Free" to anyone else?  Then we were told we'd be charged $ 29.99 total for the unlimited web/Droid/phone access crap. Now, I'm being told "Oops, so sorry that was wrong info, it doesn't work that way".  WTF?  Then, I'm being charged for overage fees and usage fees for things that should be covered ( like unlimited text and not using all our minutes for the month).  I think these people are on crack.  I've been a psychotic mess since I got the bill.  I think that's a fair description.  How do I fix the crack and the people on it????

So, ultimately, it's my responsibility.  Can't cancel because that would add another, what, $ 1,000 to the bill?  I got lured in by the pretty-shinies.  So now, the money I'd hoped to use for a new couch will be sent to the crap assed people at Verizon.  The ones who do not take ownership for the misleading information and lies their sales associates tell. ARGH